I have these momentary flashes of my life escaping me lately. Time has become this warped measure of each day that goes by. I saw a woman I know at the grocery store, she's probably in her mid-70's. She came over to meet Fred and was beaming with delight in seeing a sweet little baby face. She started talking adoringly about her own grandchildren, and I became instantly sad. All I could think was that someday I too will be old, with a grown child who may have his own kids, who I don't get to see that much. My mate may or may not be alive/well, and I too will be grinning ear to ear at someone else's baby recollecting how happy I had been when I was a new mom. I don't know the shifts the mind makes to deal with getting older. My aunt who just passed away kept talking about how tired she was, and ready to go to sleep. That's jumping way ahead to death though - what about when you're old, but healthy? Is there still excitement? First things to look forward to? Will I still be interested in learning? Will a trip to the grocery store be the most exciting part of my day? But then I'm brought back to my reality seconds later realizing that this trip to the grocery store is also the excitment in my day so who am I to judge? I try not to pressure myself too much into enjoying every minute 'because before you know it they'll be all grown up and gone' - that's just too sad to think about; constantly reminding myself of that doesn't make me enjoy the time any more. Instead, I just try not to let my mind become occupied with those thoughts for too long. I can't prevent them from sneaking in completely, but once I let my thoughts start heading in that direction, I do make an effort to reel them back in, look down at this now 4 week old baby boy and know that I have a million (at least) new and exciting experiences in front of me (if I'm lucky), and that's what I should be thinking about now. Yes, all of this goes through my head in a matter of seconds while talking to an older woman who is just happy to meet my baby. And then usually my last thought is that I must be a little cuckoo, who thinks about death when cooing over their baby? Oh, he's waking up, time to go snuggle:)