Day 3

Well, there they are. The five delicious beers I drank last night. My defeat. What I've thought about since the proposal of this challenge is how much I dislike it and rebel when I try to omit something from my life. Any time I have thought about not eating sweets, I am already half way to the store to buy more sweets than I would ever normally buy in one trip to the store. When I tried to stop eating meat, I was suddenly craving things like hot dogs,and the worst kind, snappy reds. I mean, this is probably a good one for the ol' therapist, but total denial drives me to things stonger and faster than any thing. So I hope this doesn't mean I 'failed' the challenge. I kind of knew down deep that I wouldn't make it on all of these things for 30 days, and is having a few beers any different than not meditating? Well, yes, I guess it is. It does show a total lack of will power, but it was a stumble, and I do plan to continue living by these guidelines for the next 30 days, and longer I hope.

Over the last year, what I have really been working on is slow lifestyle changes and changing my attitudes about certain things so that I can be a good role model and mommy to my little boy. For instance, vegetables were something I would struggle with, knowing how good they are for me, but really just wanting chips and burger most of the time. But somehow, all of the reading about foods I needed to make sure Fred was eating, and then feeding them to him everyday, I started to feel bad about what I was eating. Long story short, I eat a lot more vegetables now, and I like them. A big salad with tons of veggies, some cheese, nuts and vinegar= yum. I just have to remind myself of that from time to time. (And yes, those are delicious sweet potato fries, baked with just a tiny drizzle of olive oil and of course a little ketchup, no one said nothin' about no ketchup) Same for working out...I used to fight with myself feeling like I should get more exercise, but not wanting to do it. This last year, as I've actually not being able to exercise whenever I want, I find myself craving the time to do it. So back in November I joined the YMCA, and have been running and lifting weights pretty regularly, and I feel good about it. Some days it is just not feasible for me to go, but I don't get too bummed out about it, because I know I would go if I could. So, lifestyle changes work better for me if implemented slowly.

Given all of this, I was thinking a better challenge for me in my goal to lead a healither life would be to work on moderating things, like only 2 beers at the end of the day instead of five! I felt terrible last night, that's too much! Also, going to the gym 5 days a week is even a lofty goal given my life right now, but it's more attainable than everyday. I tried with all of my might to go for a walk yesterday, close to 2 hours I devoted to said walk, and it just never happened. Fred and I had a swim class in the morning, and then there was nap and lunch, Ken had to work last night, so he left, leaving me with the crew. I got all of us ready to go into town for the walk, and there was so much snow at witch hole, I couldn't push the stoller, loaded everyone back into the car, drove to town to walk the neighborhood (and hope to God I didn't see Heather Sinclair, who cursed people who walk in the roads on snowy winter days on Facebook last week), and the wind was blowing so hard, we only walked a small block. I had everyone loaded back in the car within 10 minutes. So, nearly 2 hours effort, and maybe 10 minutes of walking total. I was bummed out, because I really wanted to go, but it just wasn't happening. So I came home and guzzled some beers. Lame. I know.

Today is a new day. I'm waiting for Ken to wake up so I can go to the gym, and I'm looking forward to it.