Hold On Tight

There has been nothing like this sweet little babe to make me start thinking about philosophical things such as life and death. I'm not so much interested in the 'Why are we here?" So much as simply, "Why me?" Are our futures really already mapped out for us? Is there such thing as fate....destiny? How much of our own lives do we actually control? And then there's human nature, which is also baffling to me...why are we so selfish sometimes when tragedy is all around us? While this last year has been the most wonderful of my life so far, it has been the saddest for others in my life and I'm just trying to make sense of it all. Having one old friend leave this world, leaving her newborn to grow up without a mama, another friend lose her child days before the scheduled appearance, and another friend have to arrange and sit through a memorial service for her second child, both so close to birth, but who again, just couldn't make it. How does one get through each minute of their day after such a loss? And twice? And why did I get so lucky? And how do I have the nerve to, the day after this service, break down in tears because of something so insignificant as money? To force myself to remember my good fortune every moment is to also have to think of sadness, and this is not a healthy way to live. I realize I mustn't question these things too much or I will not be truly embracing my life as it is right now. And right now, it is wonderful. All I need to do is hold my little child close while I can, and whisper love into his tiny ear. And I must pray for strength for my friends, spiritual renewal and for happiness to return to their hearts. I am so sad for their losses, so so sad. How I would have loved to meet these little ones and share the joy of parenthood with my friends. Instead I will try to find ways to let them know how much I love them and help to memorialize young Coral Rose, Anton Harold and little Tsokey. They each had life, though inside their loving mothers belly, a very rich life filled with love and comfort and nourishment and they will be missed by us all.